omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize