I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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