i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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