i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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