And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
