no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
