i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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