we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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