glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
