So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
