Yo dont text me then not text me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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