and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
