The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
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I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
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I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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