Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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