So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
