honey bunches of taint.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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