so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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