my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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