White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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