Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
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I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
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I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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