If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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