you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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