Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
