The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
