She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
