So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
