You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
