I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
