It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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