I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
