why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
