You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
