So drunk its hurt
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize