I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Be still, my beating vagina.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
