dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
