I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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