My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
