Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
