I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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