god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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