Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
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i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
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Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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