I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I need help removing her.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
