Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
