If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
