His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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