I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
