I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
