Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
