I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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