I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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