This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
