her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
