what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
