I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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