Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
