its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
