Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
