yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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