So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
