The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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