so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
