just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
