there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
