Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
