Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
