is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish my penis had an off switch
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
