ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
