please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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