I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
