Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
