Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
